Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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