Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
