Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
i think i just lost a toe
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize