pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
