I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
