my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
