you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
