Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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