What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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