My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
