Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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