Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
