woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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