I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
