I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
