How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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