We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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