I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My bed smells like the plague
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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