it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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