Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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