i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
