i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
