Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
