K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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