oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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