I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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