i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
