I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
