Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
