btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
3 2 1 whiskey
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
