we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
