we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
