I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
