We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Your dad touched me again.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
