I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
