Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
