I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
