I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
