tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
