dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
