it was like eating out sand paper
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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