i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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