so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
