my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
