She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
