He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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