Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
