one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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