My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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