You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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