...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
